I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
