I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
