does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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