Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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