I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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