Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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