It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
