it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
