I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
