everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
