i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize