I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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