yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
