it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
