shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
