what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
