I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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