Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
