I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
