Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
