My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
