I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
