He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
