Your favorite bartender is back from prision
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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