good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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