My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
