I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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