Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
