just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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