I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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