i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
