So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
