meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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