he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
