He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
