Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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