You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
