Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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