Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
