eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
