so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
