it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
