I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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