and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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