eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
