your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
