i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
