she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
