Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
