currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
